2013

In the year of our Lord 2013, these events I list below. I'm either proud of them or not proud of them. Mostly proud. 

I'd like to disclose names, a list of relationships that have affected and shaped me. I am a product of my interactions with others.  I'd like to thank those that have come into my life and influenced me in a positive way. I'd love to write down all the names but I'd hate to embarrass. I put some down anyway. People are the most meaningful to me, then literature all encompassed in my thought phases as I like to label them.  Media consumption, food likes, world events are there and mean something. 

I had a year full of growth and bravery. I've also had some stupid moments and some regrets that I plan on mending. Inspiration, heart-break, letting go, courage, laziness, questions, doubts, awareness, reflection, etc have all been a part of this year. I've fallen in love with myself most importantly. I really do love me and the trajectory of who i'm becoming, I hope next year is full of love and loveliness in the messiness of mortality. 

This is oddly personal. This is also mostly for my own consumption. It's also very random, what a #cliche #trite (#thesaurusme) banal, stock, maxim kind of word (referring to random). 

January 
Started skiing the Beav
Mutemath
Seasonal Affective Disorder 
Terryl & Fiona Givens reads
Aristotle 
Solace Residential 
Peter reading groups
Navigating with friends like me KCCA JD
Faith crisis continues 

February
Aquinas 
Cheiftans concert 
Myths about emotion regulation
Moldovan  
Darwin Avenue Annie's Casa
Dr. Kleiner
Love Browne's style in Group Therapy
Faith crisis continues

March
Loved teaching DBT at the counseling center 
Had a real crush on a woman
Chilled in Cali
Dostoyevsky quotes
Roll over 
Guy & friends fitting in
Research presentation SW Macro
TED talks 
Faith crisis continues

April
Aquinas
The pope
Case presentation, killed it. TY's wife. (I didn't kill anyone) 
Radiohead
Neighbors JH SR 
Boston Marathon shooting
Bought my own mutt of a bike
Read an essay I wrote about my faith crisis in front of my class
Eric 
Faith crisis continues

May
Became an aunt! 
Mediate and pacify in kin
The Book Club
Biked a lot
Endowments for sis
Define maturity again
Purity Ring
Faith crisis continues

June 
Arrested Development
Blonde and tan
Heidi is gone
Phone calls to Hawaii 
Candles 
Moved again
Anna and Ian's Marriage
25 on the 25th 
Identity crisis and faith crisis continues

July
Dungens and Dragons  
Radiohead 
Ballet
Salsa
Skydiving trip in Moab with Bridget and Travis
Uplifting 4 hour discussion with Atheist 
Roommate is the shit
New Girl
Missed Sunstone
Faith crisis continues

August
Massage knife hippie 
Park love 
Reggae 
Beauty in caffeine consumption
Fell in love with Yoga
Co-workers
Performed piano solo 
Thom Yorke 
Faith crisis continues

September
Stressed the hell out
Syria
Bear River Mental Health 
Government shutdown
Biked to Saint George and kicked ass
Reunited with Logan peeps
Thought a lot about the Holocaust 
Kinda started to like Maggie
Faith crisis continues

October
Nathan
Children's Group
Power Yoga love 
Therapy 
Loved literature/humanities 
Job as in the book of Job, Gob
Cross Fit 
Sandwiches
Faith crisis continues

November 
Read The Road Less Travelled 
Philippines Typhoon 
Practiced piano more
Andrew 
Death 
TED X 
Dogma- "esoteric" 
Group of Women TREM
Troll 2 
Thanksgiving at the bird
Faith crisis continues

December
Theodicy
First 4.0 ever!! 
Cleaned like a machine 
Sang a solo in church
Detachment 
Naps n yoga 
Family parties
Ate so many treats like never before
Faith crisis continues 

PW HK BC TM SH ZJ MM WO TY BH NJ AH SS CC CH PB  
KA AT KH KS MC KM BP LJ HQ CC VV AR CN MS 

Creative in conversation

What is flow? How do I express? Do I prioritize CREATION?

When an artist becomes himself through the medium of paint on a canvas. 

When a musician releases, lets go and allows the music to dance with his soul. 

The dancer that unlocks the chain to his soul moving in symbiotic relationship.  

The actor

The writer

The inventor

The thinker

The architect

The engineer

The designer

What about me? I haven't developed a skill that allows me to flow. I'm young. That's for sure--I think it takes time to develop these kinds of skills, certainly. And I do a lot of these things on my own as a hobby. But what about the main stage? What's the priority for me?

What if I proposed that my creative outlet, my flow stems from something you can't see or hear like these creative mediums listed above. 

The healer. The one that listens in relationship to herself and others. The one that develops skills that allow for empathetic dance with others. Interpersonal expression. Creation in problem-solving. Creation in love. 

This is necessary to foster a relationship with yourself, with your god, with your God. 

You'd think that balance is peaceful. But it isn't, its tricky. It's not a calm place. It takes a lot of attention to juggle both sides. 

Damned to hell is a reference to stopping. To stagnation, even to regression.  Don't stop creating. 

My thoughts at random. Didn't proof read, didn't proof think. 

From therapist to chronicles of she to cup of jo. It gets around.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson