Sri Aurobindo

A structure of the external life has been raised up by man’s ever-active mind and life-will, a structure of an unmanageable hugeness and complexity, for the service of his mental, vital, physical claims and urges, a complex political, social, administrative, economic, cultural machinery, an organised collective means for his intellectual, sensational, aesthetic and material satisfaction. Man has created a system of civilisation which has become too big for his limited mental capacity and understanding and his still more limited spiritual and moral capacity to utilise and manage, a too dangerous servant of his blundering ego and its appetites. A rational and scientific formula of the vitalistic and materialistic human being and his life, a search for a perfected economic society and the democratic cultus of the average man are all that the modern mind presents us in this crisis as a light for its solution. Whatever the truth supporting these ideas, this is clearly not enough to meet the need of a humanity which is missioned to evolve beyond itself or, at any rate, if it is to live, must evolve far beyond anything that it at present is.

2013

In the year of our Lord 2013, these events I list below. I'm either proud of them or not proud of them. Mostly proud. 

I'd like to disclose names, a list of relationships that have affected and shaped me. I am a product of my interactions with others.  I'd like to thank those that have come into my life and influenced me in a positive way. I'd love to write down all the names but I'd hate to embarrass. I put some down anyway. People are the most meaningful to me, then literature all encompassed in my thought phases as I like to label them.  Media consumption, food likes, world events are there and mean something. 

I had a year full of growth and bravery. I've also had some stupid moments and some regrets that I plan on mending. Inspiration, heart-break, letting go, courage, laziness, questions, doubts, awareness, reflection, etc have all been a part of this year. I've fallen in love with myself most importantly. I really do love me and the trajectory of who i'm becoming, I hope next year is full of love and loveliness in the messiness of mortality. 

This is oddly personal. This is also mostly for my own consumption. It's also very random, what a #cliche #trite (#thesaurusme) banal, stock, maxim kind of word (referring to random). 

January 
Started skiing the Beav
Mutemath
Seasonal Affective Disorder 
Terryl & Fiona Givens reads
Aristotle 
Solace Residential 
Peter reading groups
Navigating with friends like me KCCA JD
Faith crisis continues 

February
Aquinas 
Cheiftans concert 
Myths about emotion regulation
Moldovan  
Darwin Avenue Annie's Casa
Dr. Kleiner
Love Browne's style in Group Therapy
Faith crisis continues

March
Loved teaching DBT at the counseling center 
Had a real crush on a woman
Chilled in Cali
Dostoyevsky quotes
Roll over 
Guy & friends fitting in
Research presentation SW Macro
TED talks 
Faith crisis continues

April
Aquinas
The pope
Case presentation, killed it. TY's wife. (I didn't kill anyone) 
Radiohead
Neighbors JH SR 
Boston Marathon shooting
Bought my own mutt of a bike
Read an essay I wrote about my faith crisis in front of my class
Eric 
Faith crisis continues

May
Became an aunt! 
Mediate and pacify in kin
The Book Club
Biked a lot
Endowments for sis
Define maturity again
Purity Ring
Faith crisis continues

June 
Arrested Development
Blonde and tan
Heidi is gone
Phone calls to Hawaii 
Candles 
Moved again
Anna and Ian's Marriage
25 on the 25th 
Identity crisis and faith crisis continues

July
Dungens and Dragons  
Radiohead 
Ballet
Salsa
Skydiving trip in Moab with Bridget and Travis
Uplifting 4 hour discussion with Atheist 
Roommate is the shit
New Girl
Missed Sunstone
Faith crisis continues

August
Massage knife hippie 
Park love 
Reggae 
Beauty in caffeine consumption
Fell in love with Yoga
Co-workers
Performed piano solo 
Thom Yorke 
Faith crisis continues

September
Stressed the hell out
Syria
Bear River Mental Health 
Government shutdown
Biked to Saint George and kicked ass
Reunited with Logan peeps
Thought a lot about the Holocaust 
Kinda started to like Maggie
Faith crisis continues

October
Nathan
Children's Group
Power Yoga love 
Therapy 
Loved literature/humanities 
Job as in the book of Job, Gob
Cross Fit 
Sandwiches
Faith crisis continues

November 
Read The Road Less Travelled 
Philippines Typhoon 
Practiced piano more
Andrew 
Death 
TED X 
Dogma- "esoteric" 
Group of Women TREM
Troll 2 
Thanksgiving at the bird
Faith crisis continues

December
Theodicy
First 4.0 ever!! 
Cleaned like a machine 
Sang a solo in church
Detachment 
Naps n yoga 
Family parties
Ate so many treats like never before
Faith crisis continues 

PW HK BC TM SH ZJ MM WO TY BH NJ AH SS CC CH PB  
KA AT KH KS MC KM BP LJ HQ CC VV AR CN MS 

Creative in conversation

What is flow? How do I express? Do I prioritize CREATION?

When an artist becomes himself through the medium of paint on a canvas. 

When a musician releases, lets go and allows the music to dance with his soul. 

The dancer that unlocks the chain to his soul moving in symbiotic relationship.  

The actor

The writer

The inventor

The thinker

The architect

The engineer

The designer

What about me? I haven't developed a skill that allows me to flow. I'm young. That's for sure--I think it takes time to develop these kinds of skills, certainly. And I do a lot of these things on my own as a hobby. But what about the main stage? What's the priority for me?

What if I proposed that my creative outlet, my flow stems from something you can't see or hear like these creative mediums listed above. 

The healer. The one that listens in relationship to herself and others. The one that develops skills that allow for empathetic dance with others. Interpersonal expression. Creation in problem-solving. Creation in love. 

This is necessary to foster a relationship with yourself, with your god, with your God. 

You'd think that balance is peaceful. But it isn't, its tricky. It's not a calm place. It takes a lot of attention to juggle both sides. 

Damned to hell is a reference to stopping. To stagnation, even to regression.  Don't stop creating. 

My thoughts at random. Didn't proof read, didn't proof think. 

From therapist to chronicles of she to cup of jo. It gets around.

Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost …. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter Five
I walk down another street.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson

Is Religion Sick?

 

We live our lives as though we have answered the great questions, even though we may not have yet asked them.  Everyone is a player in the game of life, no one exempt from a set of beliefs, or a religion. “Everyone has a religion.” (185) Some choose to believe in science, some choose to believe in “religion”, some in both. No matter what position you play, you are in.

Our identity is knit close together in relationship with our beliefs.  Perhaps they are one in the same.  Part of our belief system is our worldview. Perhaps they are one in the same. Perhaps we are our worldview.  As stated by Dr. Peck, “…the most important factor in the development of the religion of most people is obviously their culture.” (189) This makes our identity, our culture. 

If we are a product of our environment, what responsibilities do we have? What choices do we have if identity is thrown at us? What happens when we are to question our beliefs, our identity? 

When we play skeptic, our identity shifts, we experience crisis, and we are faced with an opportunity to choose.  We either choose positive growth or negative regression.  We choose courage or we choose laziness.  Questions are present, and our options constant, which path is ours? “The path to holiness lies through questioning everything.” (194)

In the process of questioning, one might ask, is God the problem? Is Religion the problem? Or should Dogma be put on trial?

All of these questions important but, let us focus on dogma for a time. Dogmatism is apparent in both religious believers, and in the world of science among atheists and agnostics. Dogma can also be absent among religious believers and those who label themselves atheist.

In the article “Tyranny of Principles” by Steven Toulmin, he states, “Moral wisdom is exercised not by those who adhere to a single principle unequivocally, for one absolute principle will inevitably conflict with another absolute principle.” Wisdom sees paradox, wisdom sees a rainbow colored world, a non-dogmatic world. Dogma is the killer of spiritual growth and love, dogma is sick, not necessarily religion, not necessarily science.

Questioning not only dogma, but everything, is part of a great sifting process.  “In regard to methodology, science has tended to say, ‘What is very difficult to study doesn’t merit study.’ And in regard to natural law, science tends to say, ‘What is very difficult to understand doesn’t exist.’”(228) On the other hand, religious thinkers say, “’Miracles need not be scientifically examined’… ‘They should simply be accepted as acts of God.’  The religious have not wanted their religion shaken by science, just as the scientific have not wanted their science to be shaken by religion.” (228)

Question everything, and think critically. Thinking critically about our beliefs requires that we are careful not to confuse correlation with causation. “The fact that two events occur together in time does not necessarily mean that they are causally related.” (231) It isn’t always easy to discern and critically categorize us, and our beliefs. “Balancing is a discipline precisely because the act of giving something up is painful.” (66) Giving up a part of our identity or beliefs is painful!

In Peck’s section on Balancing, he states, “…it is necessary that the higher centers of our brain (judgment) be able to regulate and modulate the lower centers (emotions).” (65) When we are in this state of mind, we are able to more clearly think and make effective decisions. Balance involves the discipline of seeing more, killing the narrow lens of the micro and birthing the lens of the macro.   

Analyze yourself, your beliefs, your culture, and your worldview.  Balance in flexibility and reject dogma. Question everything. Is religion sick? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. “But just as it is essential that our sight not be crippled by scientific tunnel vision, so also is it essential that our critical faculties and capacity for skepticism not be blinded by the brilliant beauty of the spiritual realm.” (232)

40 days of Lovin' Fuckin' Lent

I just wanted to say Fuck.

Sometimes its a nice word. Sometimes its terrible.

I'm going to be writing love notes. For 40 days. I'm also doing other things in my personal life for lent.

I've fallen in love with so many people. So many. Really. I'm gonna write all about ya.

See posts soon.

Logos

In Nietzsche’s words “He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how.”

According to Frankl, in order to satisfy the search for meaning in life you change your attitude towards suffering.  “…Everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms-to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”(66) Even in the direst of circumstances, such as experienced by Frankl in several concentration camps, he notes of the opportunity to freedom and spiritual growth that is available. “It is this spiritual freedom- which cannot be taken away-that makes life meaningful and purposeful.”(67) Responsibility in your reactions creates empowerment in the individual.

“The man that was not able to see his ‘provisional existence’ was not able to aim at an ultimate goal in life” (70) “What man actually needs is not tensionless state, but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal-a freely chosen task.” (105) Working towards something in the future provides hope for an individual, which helps them to find meaning in life.  The act of working is meaningful and can be therapeutic for some.

The salvation of man is through love and in love. (37) Love is another essential part of Viktor E. Frankl’s logotherapy, or meaning therapy. “The second way of finding a meaning in life is by experiencing something-such as goodness, truth and beauty-by experiencing nature and culture or, last but not least, by experiencing another human being in his very uniqueness-by loving him.” (111) Frankl speaks from experience on this front, when in concentration camps, he would have “conversations” with is wife.  It was irrelevant whether she was present or not, but the anchoring feeling to love someone else can create purpose for an individual.

Realizing the irreplaceable nature of man, others is a concept mentioned in the book, I would extend the notion to the reality of uniqueness and irreplaceable nature of not only others, but me.  Realizing that, in loving myself and realizing me is an essential part of creating meaning.

Misunderstanding is the root of all suffering; creating understanding is to satisfy the search.  Life asks us a question at every moment and movement through these questions and creation of questions is a process in living and meaning creation.  Living brings meaning to life, experience is part of living.

Edith Weisskopf-Joelson mentioned, “our current mental-hygiene philosophy stresses the idea that people ought to be happy, that unhappiness is a symptom of maladjustment.  Such a value system might be responsible for the fact that the burden of unavoidable unhappiness is increased by unhappiness about being unhappy.” (114) Feeling a range of emotions is part of our experience in life.  “Emotion which is suffering ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it” (74)