insomniatic. yeah that's a word.

it's five in the morning, i can't sleep, this never happens.
i decided to get out of bed and say something. my mind is racing.
i'm split.
i'm really split. sorta. things are getting to be a little more clear now.
but still.
i'm not going to talk about that yet.
so i'm going to talk about you. i highly doubt you'll read this.

you aren't just a friend to me, you are a really great friend. it was so good being able to talk with you the other day. ya know when you get to talk with someone that you havent in a long while but somehow you just so easily get right back into best friend mode? this is how it is with him. he is so cool. ya i like you. you are a great person and i admire the way that you show your love for others. you are unique in that way. i'm so glad that i can talk with you about my deepest feelings about God. it's quite therapeutic for me to be able to tell you somethings about that. you are one of a few people that i can open up to about this stuff that is so close to my heart. thanks. i hope that i never hurt you. i'm afraid i have and there are somethings that i can not tell you because i'm afraid you would be disappointed in me. conversation is so easy with you, i like that.

there is this thing that i love about people, i love to talk with them and find out what it is that makes them passionate, what they are all about, what they know about, what gets them to talk. and then i just talk about it, i might have some input or i might have some experience in the subject but i might not, so i just ask to learn.

this is all over the place.

lets talk about choices. the way that we exercise our agency is a reflection of who we are.  there is power, a great amount of power in agency. i can't quite form my thoughts about this great and extensive topic, but i can say that i'm bringing it out into the light and seeing all sorts of new things now. faith is a choice, so is doubt. happiness is a choice, so is sadness. i'm not doing another dichotomous shit thing, a third piece would sound good but no. i'm stubborn like that i guess.  just do me a favor and think about choices, no, don't just think about it ponder it, meditate on it, ya on it, really. i'd like to highlight something. referencing my last post about stages of faith. the last one is full of love.

you can have it on one condition. you can have it if only you understand why it means so much to me.  you can only have it if you always remember my story and promise to share it with others.