i like you

Biology Blah

2011-11-27T22:00:00.001-07:00

I feel like i should blog. Not that I really super want to

Something that i learned lately. There is this thing that I was learning about. the new research on bacteria and its behavior.

Ya know, i'm gonna preface this with a lil disclaimer, my grammar sucks, and i don't really care. I write how i think/talk. its english. English. It doesn't mean I'm more stupid, or stupider. it is what it is.

They have new research that shows that bacteria react socially. They communicate with each other and work together as a unit. And if one lil prokaryote isn't listening to the chemical messages, the bacteria can't function properly. Depending on what you want to define properly as, in terms of an infection, or in terms of a good functioning part of the body. Anyways. (do you say anyways or anyway) This is new research that they have and is supposedly the next thing for the antibiotics, and probiotics for that matter. If you want to know more about the cool new research you should look up a video on it. I would do a little linky thingy on here but one i don't know how, and two i'm too lazy to find the actual video, and thirdly, I can't remember the name of the young woman that reported on it.

So really, I haven't learned that much about this topic, because I can't really explain it, as you can see from the above statements. But the basic idea I know. Isn't that cool? Not that I can't explain myself, but about the fact that bacteria react socially to each other?

I think that the way that I think is connective. I think in my brain, it likes to connect one thing to another, and for some reason it makes better sense to me that way. association. that how you learn a language, among other methods.

But i think of several things when I think of this biological discovery. I think of Moses 7:18. I think of yokes. I think of Social Work. I think of globalization. I think of the greatness of technology. (and I want to complain about the people that complain about the world changing. "it used to be like this, and it was so much better in my day, blah blah blah". (I put the blah's in there on purpose, I think it's funny) I think of my abilities, and talents and what I am capable of and what I want my name to be known for.

that's all.

What a weird post. Maybe I'll get better at it one day.

2011-10-28T19:11:00.000-06:00

how come I'm too bashful to write you a love note?

2011-10-15T14:19:00.002-06:00

Word Note

2011-09-29T23:15:00.000-06:00

avant-gardeI met a traveler from a modern landwho said: I used to think I knewwhat avant-garde meant, it meantnew art so advanced you can't understandit, like a chic perfume without a scent.An avant-garde poem was abstract youcould get rid of commas and capital lettersforget making sense dreams were betterirony mandatory and meaning arbitrarylike poker with blanks instead of cards.It was intimidating and I remained leeryuntil I met A. and his avant-garde smile:“Just do the opposite of whatever's in style,”he said with a wink when he won an award.“You see, it isn't so hard to be avant-garde.”DL

So unoriginal, I copied and pasted it.

Discover

2011-09-27T18:02:00.000-06:00

A beautiful fortress, an established stance,

Within the thick walls,

A patronus awaits you,

You must keep strong like at first,

Weakness may bereave,

Gargantuan words may deviate,

But through grove,

I see the great white Snape.

Love Notes Ulit

2011-08-09T16:44:00.000-06:00

This is me again. Imma right you a luv note.

last e-mail

2011-05-07T13:55:00.002-06:00

This week was super great! One of my favorite things as a missionary is to be able to feel like a real instrument in God's hands. When you know that it is not you speaking, but it is the spirit guiding you as you teach and share, that is true happiness for me. We were sharing to one of our investigators about sa Faith, and Repentance and I truly felt a love for teaching, I felt a love for what I was teaching and I wanted to share what I know and about what these principles mean to me. I know that the spirit was there as we were teaching simply to Sister Gerylyn Maca-ambac and Brother Susi. I know that through faith and repentance we can grow to come closer to Heavenly Father. I know that Repentance is the way for us to apply The Atonement of Jesus Christ is our lives, and to show our love for Him. I pray that we will have have courage and faith to repent and come unto Him, to recieve the blessings of His ultimate sacrifice.

We had a wonderful time this last week sharing with a member and some of her referrals. It was a wonderful experience as I had the opportunity to share my testimony and I just let go, I just let the spirit tell me and flow through me, that is true happiness, this is the joy of Missionary Work.
Sister Tayros and returned to one of our new investigators and we just listened. We listened to Sister Jane and she was so open to us and she shared with us a great experience that happened to her when she was going through maraming napakhirap na mga trials. As she was telling us of her experiences and how when she thought there was no other way, she just prayed. She prayed with her whole self, in faith to Heavenly Father pleading that He would help her and her husband through their difficult times. She recognized the role of God in her life. And she knew that He was there, and that He answers our prayers. I love to hear of the stories and the way that God helps each of us to recognize that He is really there and that He loves us so much!
It is more important to say what you feel. Teaching by the spirit is to think, to do, and to say as The Savior would.
I know that this is the true church. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are to very real and love us very very much! He has a perfect plan for all of us.

Salamat po sa lahat!
Mahal na mahal ko po kayo!

Sister James

tatlong linggo

2011-04-11T23:08:00.001-06:00

Sista James is coming home in three weeks. THREE WEEKS. So, here's a plethora of pictures to celebrate!

YEEEEAH

charmer

2010-12-17T02:37:00.001-07:00

We met a drunk Philippino Johnny Cash, I guess we don't have to add drunk because if you say Johnny Cash you should just assume that he's drunk. He loves me. I met him once and I got him on the first meeting, I guess, i'm such a charmer. 'He knew he like me the first time he saw me.' I have a way with the old men here.

I have been praying super hard to know how I can help Sister Ellsworth, I have felt like she has been broken, she had some really hard times her first couple of transfers, and it really has been weird for me to be the follow-up trainer, I feel like an adoptive mom, like she isn't really mine, I don't really know how to explain it. But I am trying to get to the deepest issues, and I think I've been going about it in the wrong way, I have to get back to the basics with her. Its not about Tagalog, its not about grammar or vocab, it never was and never is, ever. It is about believing in yourself and knowing that you can achieve great things through the help of Our Heavenly Father. Faith. Understanding the Atonement of Jesus Christ will increase your desire more than any other thing your could do. I am trying to step back enough and put myself in the right spot to guide her not to tell her that this is something that each and everyone of us has to figure out. You will not learn anything if someone else is doing the task for you, you have to try it yourself. I can't make her, I have to let her, and allow her to come to her own understanding and to really take that leap of faith for herself.

I've really learned a lot about love and charity these past couple of weeks. I've been praying to know that what I am doing is right, to feel that I have Charity for others. As we watched the Christmas Devotional my thoughts were turned and I reflected on my "old self" I have come so far. I know that Heavenly Father is so proud of me. What a blessing it really is to be able to serve others here in The Philippines. I love the people. I love missionary work. I love my Savior. I will never stop.

Lubao

2010-12-04T02:29:00.001-07:00

We had a wonderful experience this week teaching an inactive member. She really is so strong, her faith and understanding about trials was really inspiriting to me. She has a 3 year old child, they live in a house about the size of our bathroom, one room siya. Tapos, her kid has a disease where his brain has too much water or something like that, normally they would do surgery to help him but they don't have enough money. And she is scared because the doctors said it is a really risky surgery. Benneth, her son, has a stretched skull so much that he can't sit up or stand or walk. It really was a great moment for me to just hear of the testimony of this sister. Sister Christy Berog, she always reads her Book of Mormon and prays to Heavenly Father. She doesn't have any way to get to church because her husband has to work, he is a dump truck driver and its hard for her to get to church because of her child, he is really heavy. I often feel like I'm here to meet the people that I meet to learn from them. I'm not really a teacher here, I'm the one learning and growing and being added upon. I really felt such compassion for her, I can't imagine being in her shoes. I meet so many great people like this wonderful young woman everyday of my life. I am so blessed to know these valiant people and to see their courage and strength that they recieve through the gospel. Sometimes to just feel like you've known them much longer than on a one time basis. To see her smile through her tears was something that I won't forget.

I have been sent here to Lubao for a reason. I have a great work to do here, I will not ever ever stop serving others. There is no other way to feel such great joy. If you are feeling down or sad or alone, just go out and serve someone, for real. Help someone that really needs you. They are waiting for you.

snoop

2010-10-21T00:26:00.002-06:00

I saw a look alike Filippino snoop-dog this week, riding on his chilla bike. Filippinos are so beautiful. I don't know if I've mentioned this before. I also met a cute 'lil kid named Jezreal. His dad named him this because Jesus is real. I love it. Imma buy me some grills too, hopefully. its only like 250 pesos.

2010-10-03T19:54:00.000-06:00

I see miracles everyday. I am so blessed to have the chance to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ to others. Missionary work is the work of Heavenly Father. I am not alone in this work, I feel a crutch, a support, a protection, a sense of familiarity in this work. I was sent here for a purpose. I know this is the true church, I love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ truly died for me, and I can shape my heart and heal my heart through choosing to let the power of The Atonement take effect. The church is so true. There is such an exciting message about to come forth among the people across the world, and we are a part of it. There is a miracle waiting to happen in the life of every creature. Let it in. Let the Gospel into your lives. We really don't know what we have. Cherish every moment you have to read and partake of truth. Sometimes I just want to die in my joy. And die in my pains that others don't quite yet understand. I dare you to try it, reach up for His hand, acknowledge Him in every moment. This really is the only way.

I am destined to help people. This is my purpose in life.

I love you all very much.

Sister James

9.26.10

2010-09-24T21:05:00.000-06:00

I'm so convinced I met one of the 3 Nephites. No joke. I have proof. hahaha His countenance, he was this old guy just sitting in the corner of this bread shop, it was kind of darkish inside but his eyes were like so different. I can't begin to explain it. We asked how old he was and he said he forgot, he doesn't remember. He mentioned something under his breath about the number 3 and then just went on telling us about how he misses his wife. Maybe his wife died like thousands of years ago. haha. Sister Cuizon and I are thoroughly convinced. His last name is Almason....

Also want to let you know that the cutest child to grace the planet Earth is from the Philippines.

2010-08-15T22:20:00.003-06:00

We have no reason to fear man, we only need to fear our God. Fear is a tool of Satan and can lead us down to sadness and damnation.

I met a Filipino Jamie Cullum this week. Just so you know. We live in a parallel universe.

--Sister James

fears & miracles

2010-07-27T16:36:00.003-06:00

I decided this week to choose to see all of the miracles around me. never before have I made a better choice in my life.

Overcoming fears is the greatest feeling in the whole wide world. You should try it. Before I came into the mission, I had a great fear that I would encounter priests and Bible bashers and people that have a lot more knowledge than I do about the bible. Sister Valdez and I had a wonderful experience. We were invited into a home, well first of all we had an appointment with the father of the home, but he wasn't there he was at work but his wife and daughter was there and they were so nice and invited us into their home. Inglesia sila then we sat in on their Bible study and their prayer and everything and when they were done it was our turn, we just bore sincere testimony and they had no rebuttals. It was such an awesome experience. I really felt the whisperings of the Spirit close to me. I felt like what I was doing was so right for that time. I was thinking to myself after that experience, How lucky am I to be able to say that I really have a true testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know that it is true and that we have a living prophet. How lucky talaga. Tapos I was thinking that if even the Prophet was sitting next to Sister Valdez and I, he would have been happy with what happened. I felt like I really represented the church like I should. Natutuwa talaga iyan.

I LOVE YOU

--Sister James

First Transfer to Olongapo!

2010-04-27T00:39:00.001-06:00

Greetings from Olongapo City!!

The one the only. I have to much balita but no time to write it all. I have had a wonderful week.

First things first, I love you all and thank you for everything.

I have been transferred to Olongapo Zone. In my area is Kalaklan, Mabayuan, and Filtration. We live in Gordon Heights, I think. We are really close to Subic. It is a big city out here life is awesome here I really feel home here I had a feeling I would come here one day actually. I feel at home for sure. I really like my new area already. It is absolutely beautiful in every way. There are lots of hills and big mountains that we get to climb up to go to the investigators houses and such. It is truly made for me. I really love it. My new companion is Sister Tuimaseve. She is so sweet, she is a foreigner just like me she was born in Samoa full Samoan siya, but she moved to Utah when she was 12 years old. She is only 2 transfers ahead of me.

I believe in the gift of tongues. I truly do. Everyone is chismissing or gossiping about how we are going to do it as 2 foreigners in this new area and not very good at Tagalog. I have been given a new and exciting challenge, each step that I take I have to take with the Lord. He is the only way that I can do this. My companion rocks. She has an awesome sweet spirit about here, she is just full of love. I know I can learn a lot about Charity and Love and Service from her. But I really have to get my chops going with the Tagalog if we want our investigators to understand the lessons. It is definitely a challenge, but we can do it. I feel an odd sense of comfort-ability here. I know we can do some damage out here.

Their accent out here in Olongapo is more straight, its more clear and beautiful. I like it. Mas Maganda dito kaysa sa Abucay. joke. Maybe I've been given the gift of tongues, I don't know but I am being richly blessed.

I have learned so much out here already. I feel like I am finally in the right place. Masaya. Natutuwa ako.

--Sister James

whhhat?

2010-04-05T00:19:00.004-06:00

We are going to watch General Conference this weekend at the church. I am pretty excited for it. You are so incredibly lucky to be able to go to General Conference LIVE. Not many Filipinos have the chance to see that. Be grateful for that wonderful opportunity to be able to see and hear them speak the word of God for us in this time of history.

We had an awesome experience this week at sacrament meeting. I got to experience my first investigator get up and bear his testimony. It was awesome. I don't understand him very well, but what I did understand, he is sobrang astig . Astig siya talaga. This is Brother Romel. He is rad. He has had many trials in his life and it's wonderful to see him change and to actually smile. Natutuwa ako!

Learning to love is something that takes a lot of my soul. I still think in the back of my mind that I'm not going to see these people ever again, but I can't remain in fear, I have to just bear the pain that will come and just be open. It's worthless to keep on going if I don't become more like my Savior. He is the only way to live a happy life. true discipleship comes when you are able to change your desires. This is something that I will continue to work on my whole life. I'm excited to see the result.

This week was awesome. And super gross. It was Mahal na Araw this week the Filipinos are so festive they will use any excuse to party. It's awesome. But for holy week, it is so gross talaga. They whip themselves sa likod on their backs until they bleed. Some of them pinako sa cruz. I truly can't think of the real word. OH--crucify themselves in their hands. Luckily I didn't see that. I got some pictures of some of the men doing the penetentia. Crazyness. We talked to an investigator and he said that he was paid 10 pesos to beat the guys on the back with bamboo sticks. Wow. hahawefwae fsdf. That's all I can say. I'm still in shock. It was truly shocking. This week we get to see the residue of the penetencia. There is blood splattered all over the front of peoples houses. It's so gross.

I'm beginning to crack my heart open to these people and my life is so much better because of it. I'm learning to really think of Tagalog as an art, I love art... language is an art, culture is an art, everything around me is evidence of the art of God. speaking of...

Look up manuel 'bobot' bagtas sa internet. He is an awesome guy. I got to meet him today. He is an artist here in the Philippines. He is so AWESOME. I love him. He is really talented. He is so creative. He has the coolest house ever. Everything is just art & art collections of others' art. Awesome. He is a teacher as well as his wife in the arts. He is just so awesome. I love him. It was really refreshing to meet someone that has something in common. I felt at home in his presence. He is so awesome . One more time--awesome. I can't speak English. He was talking about how difficult it is to find materials for this work & there just isn't much available for him and if there is it's really expensive, so he uses garbage. He is a junk artist. His work is so awesome. But we got to meet him because I have the awesome opportunity to be in a play/parade thingy for Balanga city days. It is going to be awesome I play an American nurse and we are reenacting the death march that happened here in 1942. He created everything for it and the missionaries usually get to act it out every April for the parade. (Here's a link that talks about it).

http://artbobot.multiply.com
This is his website. The creativity that he has is admirable--use your resources to create something.

This one is great.

I love you all. Seek balance through Jesus Christ.

Be good.

Sister James

Wise Words

2010-02-24T23:50:00.002-07:00

From lil' Sista James.

"There is beauty in change. This is the base of the repentance process. The change and fresh view of life. I am learning so much about God. It's been awesome to be able to think about and feel and hear and see deity. Godliness all around me. I have been enjoying my time out here even though it is so hard. It is so awesome to feel new and change. I promise you when I come back I will be different. Sobra. I'm learning about the importance of repenting daily. The blessings that come when you feel clean are so indescribable."

"I am learning about the Atonement of Jesus Christ more deeply here in the field. I have to develop my relationship with Christ, I have to come to know him better. Follow his perfect example and the rest will fall into place. My sacrifice here in the mission has been so dang hard, but it is truly nothing compared to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. When I think of this my purpose is clear. Every trial we will ever have in this life is covered if we just do our little part."

"If you aren't getting anything out of your reading, keep reading, ask Heavenly Father for help. Ask for His guidance before each time you read in prayer. This will help if you have Faith that He will be able to help you. If you sincerely want to get something out of your reading you will. Siguro keep a study journal write down thoughts and write down what is happening, what your insights were, and what questions you have to reasearch further later, and also write down the characteristics of the prophets. It will help you so much, I am doing the same thing it is definetely a big learning experience."

"I ate pig blood this week. Yummy!!"

"I told one of our investigators to kill someone."

She's starting to get the language....I think.

Sister Lindsey James
Philippines Olongapo Mission
National Hwy
Mangan-Vaca, Subic Bay
2209 Zambles
Philippines

2010-02-04T16:31:00.002-07:00

Sister James and her Mission President & Wife

Merry Christmas from The Philippines!

2009-12-28T21:10:00.003-07:00

"It sounds like you had a good Christmas, very different from mine. We were teaching and eating and eating and eating, Eating appointments. Oh my. "

If I'm remembering correctly, I believe Sister James had 5 or 6 eating appointments on Christmas day, which is good. She loves the food.

Sister James has been in the Philippines for about a week now, give or take when she actually arrived there after a brutal 2-day flight. But she is there, safe and sound.

Sister James spent some time in Ecuador last year, and she expected the peoples' living conditions to be similar, but she says things are worse in the Philippines. "The living conditions here are appalling. Truly. There are dirt floors and everything, some of the houses have tile, but it is pretty bad, We are truly so blessed to have the security and shelter and comfort that we have. " They also don't use toilet paper. It's a luxury for Sister James to have some.

"I got blessed because of my awesome companion. She is native. She is so cute and she speaks really good English. Her name is Sister Daquioag. We are also living with these other two sisters; they are also native. They are truly hilarious goofballs. I don't ever understand them, but when I do get their jokes it's pretty funny. Haha. Their names are Sister Bermudo and Sister Sauqetwoef. (I don't know how to say her name still) I can't ask her its too late."

Lindsey (I'm feeling so weird saying Sister James. Eventually I'll get used to it, but not right now.) has only been in the Philippines for a week, so she's having some difficulties with the language. Lindsey is one to expect a lot from herself, and rightly so. In this second week, she is already seeing improvements. She received a priesthood blessing around Christmas, and she said, "I know that the blessing helped me, later that night we were out teaching and I understood almost all of what my companion was teaching about." She goes on to say, "It was awesome. I am definitely understanding a lot more than last week. What a relief, now I can actually start listening and writing down words and speaking. I get nervous when I speak sometimes, and then other times I don't at all and I don't care if I am wrong. But I will get it eventually. I just am having a battle with patience right now. I get so pissed when I can't say what I want to say, especially when I am talking about the gospel."
Sounds just like Lindsey.

"This church is true. It's real. It's amazing being able to feel the spirit so often as a missionary. I am truly blessed and protected as a missionary. It is amazing being able to see people living the gospel."

Okay, now onto the technical aspects...

If you feel so inclined to send Lindsey a package, please keep the price under $50. If it's over that, she has to pay a crap load of money for it.

Her mission home address is:
Sister Lindsey James
Philippines Olongapo Mission
National Hwy
Mangan-Vaca, Subic Bay
2209 Zambles
Philippines

You can send packages or letters to this address. Letters take between 3-4 weeks to arrive, so if you want a "faster" method, I would stick with dearelder.com. The link is set up to be on the page where you directly write a letter, just select the Philippines, Olongapo mission, and it should tell you what to do from there. That takes about 2 weeks and is free. International mail requires an international stamp (they're about a dollar at the post office), or two regular stamps.

Ingat!!

--Anna James

p.s. pardon the grammatical or spelling errors. Lindsey's English sucks now, and I tried my best to proofread, so sorry if I missed anything.

Update!

2009-12-12T20:32:00.003-07:00

Here are a few excerpts from her letters…

“I am constantly being stretched to my limits, especially with the language. I've really learned that it takes faith to learn a language. So much of it is through the help of deity. There is no way that all of these idiot stupid Elders can go to a foreign country and be fluent without the help of something or someone bigger. Our own intelligence truly could not learn this fast.”

“We are speaking only Tagalog in the classroom now, but it doesn't really feel that different. This week is going to be my first time teaching the first lesson sa Tagalog. Nuts! I won't ever teach the gospel as a missionary in English again.”

“I am loving how I am growing continually in areas that I really needed to work on. I am doing well with the shy thing. I am not really shy here at all, it is easier for me to just go up and talk to people now.”

“Sheri Dew gave an awesome talk in the fireside yesterday. She rocks! I really like her outlook on things, and how unafraid she is to say bold things about the Gospel. She was saying how important it is to know who we are; realize the healing power of the Atonement and the importance of personal revelation. True that Sista!
She really is way awesome, one of the best firesides I've ever been to.”

“I can't let myself get excited for going out into the field yet, but I can't help it!
I know that it is going to be so incredibly awesome!! I can already tell I will love the people and the culture. I am way excited to get out there and dive into the culture of the Philippines. I know that I am going to LOVE it!”

“We are wealthy. We are wealthy temporally; I witnessed that in many ways in many aspects while in Ecuador. But we are truly wealthy in our spiritual knowledge. Spiritual wealth is far more important and infinite than temporal wealth. The knowledge that I possess spiritually, is so priceless and valuable to me. I am glad that I have the opportunity to share this wealth and joy that comes from the Gospel.”

I just got word that she's got her plane tickets booked for her flight to the Philippines! Needless to say, the flight is going to be a doozy....she leaves on Monday the 14th arrives Wednesday the 16th.
I'll post her new address when she gets it to me.

--Anna

2009-11-19T13:25:00.003-07:00

Heidi sent me this photo in her last letter.....so exciting that Sister Holt, Elder Weed, and Sister James all got to be in the MTC at the same time!

Enjoy!

--Anna James

......

2009-10-15T10:26:00.001-06:00

This is Lindsey's lil' sis annie poo poos. Here's her MTC address!

Lindsey James
MTC Mailbox # 279
PHI-OLO 1215
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793

woot!

2009-10-06T21:18:00.004-06:00

“If men were duly to consider themselves, and turn their thoughts and reflections to the operation of their own minds, they would readily discover that it is faith, and faith only, which is the moving cause of all action in them; that without it both mind and body would be in a state of inactivity, and all their exertions would cease, both physical and mental”

timing is everything

2009-10-02T10:05:00.004-06:00

why can't i just tell it to your face? i don't know what is wrong with me. i guess i'm just really scared. i don't know how you will react. humans are naturally afraid of the unknown. i'm convincing myself that it's natural. plus timing is horrible. horrid. i want to tell you so bad but then i think about it and it seems like a bad idea. it is a bad idea. its selfish. so i won't tell you what i think of you.

wooty woot

2009-09-26T01:04:00.004-06:00

death and all of his friends.

2009-09-23T22:24:00.003-06:00

i've never felt such an almost instant feeling of compassion towards someone as you. as i've begun to know you, i've begun to know more about myself. i'm glad i met you. i love that you are so kind. you seem to be a kind, gentle, sweet person. i like that about you. i wish there was more stability in your life. i want you to have that really badly. good stability. i hope you learn to channel your stress in productive ways. i am continually learning new things all the time from you. i learn things that i thought i already knew about, but i learn them in different ways. one thing in particular i've learned from you today is how cruical family stability is. i thought i had seen many examples of this through various experiences in my life. i guess i just forgot the extent of the effects that the family has on a human being, physical, mental, spiritual, emotional. my testimony is strengthened by this fact. i hate that i forget important things like this. remember to remember. its heartbreaking to see you go through shit like that. i am incredibly lucky in so many ways, to know you and to learn from you.

nope, you should stop that right away.

2009-09-13T12:08:00.005-06:00

nope yup, you are just as creepy as i thought you were. you don't mean to be creepy but you are. you aren't old enough to make creepo comments like that. "you laugh just like your mom, its cute." nope don't do that. its creepy. when is that point where you are old enough to be labeled an old fart? i don't know. when you are an old fart, it seems more ok to say things like that because its somewhat comical. maybe you just lack charm. i don't know, i really can not diagnose. but i do know, that you are a creepy ace, and you should stop. because i don't know how to handle it.

Hurt No Living Thing

2009-09-10T21:58:00.001-06:00

Hurt no living thing: Ladybird, nor butterfly, Nor moth with dusty wing, Nor cricket chirping cheerily, Nor grasshopper so light of leap, Nor dancing gnat, nor beetle fat, Nor harmless worms that creep.
Christina Rossetti

about a chancho

2009-09-09T20:59:00.004-06:00

i wish you knew that i was talking about you here. i can't tell you these things for various reasons. i'm pretty sure that i like you a lot and that it would change into love if we hung out more. you aren't good for me that's why we can't hang out. i know i would fall for you. so the reason i ignore your calls is because i know that i would just get into a messy mess. you are so frackin hot. i'm kind of glad that you live far away because that makes things easier. but it still sucks a little bit. you smell good. haha. that's not what is important, you are like my kindred spirit twin connector, i seriously don't even know you, but i feel like i do. i'm psycho for feeling this way but maybe its mutual. i could never tell you these things. far too complicated. i'm glad you don't know how i feel about you actually. i promise i'm only a little bit insane. you are not really a spanish pig...at least i don't think so.

good feelings

2009-09-06T02:34:00.004-06:00

it was good to see you. i am so glad that you came into my life, you have blessed me in so many ways i hope you know. you have such a positive attitude about life and its refreshing to be around. you are gifted in so many ways but i see how you lift people up, everyone around you. you have an ability to be-friend many different kinds of people. your kindness has blessed me tremendously, you lifted me up when i needed it most. i am truly grateful for this. you are talented in many ways. i love that you are real with me. i hate that you don't share everything with me. i wish we were closer. i read the letter that you wrote me a little bit ago and i cried a little, that was very nice of you, i appreciate that note, it meant a lot to me, it wasn't over the top like you thought. i care about what you think of me. i hope you don't think im prideful. i try not to be full of pride. you've opened my eyes to benevolence. i've learned to love learning through your example. i hope the best for you. i wish you well.

post pardumb

2009-08-29T23:19:00.003-06:00

what are my expectations? this is deeper than you thought.

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not this but the previous statement.
i went to the zoo today. it was grand.

i had a life-changing dream once about my very own pet giraffe, we snuggled together and we had a bond unlike any other. i'll end the story there because the end of my dream is sad.

but at the zoo today, i saw a one month old baby giraffe, it was so awesome, i freaked out a little. cute lil thing.

i also laughed when i saw a cheetah licking its balls. he gave himself a boner. i laughed again, a little harder, when i overheard a child say "mom, look i can see its other little tail!"

sometimes i selfishly keep things like this to myself, but i decided to share today.

i hope i never forget moments like this. i vow to start writing these things down, selfishly, or unselfishly.

pretty much every time i go to the zoo i get sad for the poor animals. :(

De el Kite Runner

2009-08-23T20:31:00.005-06:00

If we come to sleep,
we are His drowsy ones.
And if we come to wake,
we are in His hands.
If we come to weeping,
we are His cloud full of raindrops.
And if we come to laughing,
we are His lightning in that moment.
If we come to anger and battle,
it is the reflection of His wrath.
And if we come to peace and pardon,
it is the reflection of His love.
Who are we in this complicated world?

2009-08-21T00:08:00.003-06:00

SuNsEtS aRe KeWl. NaTuRe Is PrEtTy.

guapo

2009-08-20T19:06:00.003-06:00

you mean a great deal to me. i miss you.

domestic violence

2009-08-20T00:32:00.006-06:00

i liked how you hugged her. i could tell that she really appreciated that. the relief that came across her face was appauling to me. that asshole doesn't know how to treat a lady. you taught me somethings that day; good people come in all kinds of packages, among other things. you gave me a look like 'this poor soul needs some help, i don't know what i'm doing but i'll do my best' at least you tried, that's more than the rest of us. you are a superb example to me of what it means to 'love thy neighbor'.

keep me where the light is

2009-08-11T23:36:00.011-06:00

until you realize that you choose how you feel, and you choose how you react, you will be damned. where is the blame channeled? where is mine channeled? you taught me so many things, i am truly grateful that i spent so many days with you. it sucked, but it was fun sometimes too. i still think about some of the good and bad times we had. i think i like to think that i will never regret that which was once loved. things happen for reasons. i choose to see my history as a test i can re-take. i'll learn from mistakes and i'll learn from good choices.

you taught me about respect, friendship, judgement, and lying. you taught me about jealousy, anger, manipulation and lust. you taught me about trust, chances, questions, and self-worth. you taught me about time, compassion, change, and distance. for all of those things positive and negative, i've learned, i owe some to you. there is so much learning to be had, if you look at it right, or hear it right. i choose the positive path. i care about you but i still dont care. i think of growth, and promises as an ending result. you don't hurt me anymore.

night and day

2009-08-11T23:14:00.005-06:00

i dont feel this kind of passion for too many people. you don't realize it i don't think, and it bugs me. i hate that you don't know how i really feel about you. my heart is growing everyday. wouldn't that be cool if you could somehow send understandings from person to person? sometimes there just isn't any way to explain things, concepts, feelings to another person. i think it's frustrating. you stir up emotions in me, stop it.

just trying to see people as they are, plus the good stuff

2009-08-04T23:48:00.006-06:00

i thought so wrong of you. i wish i would have seen the light in you and gotten past my prejudices about you earlier. there is nothing that i can do to change the past but thats ok. i wouldn't have learned. im so glad i had a chance to talk to you. just by being you, you've shown me that i can see so much more in many other people. ive already been bless because of the lessons i've begun to learn. i have learned to see people differently and see the light that each person has, no matter how big or small that light is, it's important. i'm grateful for you.

2009-08-03T00:00:00.003-06:00

i like rainbows

we'll be together in the golden years

2009-07-30T23:52:00.005-06:00

my minds tellin me no, but my body, my body's tellin me yeah!

you are possibly the most attractive person at work. i like to see you smile in the mornings. your eyes and skin and smile, {i really like your smile} are the most captivating areas of you to me. yeah i check you out. mostly when you don't know but sometimes you catch me and its funny because i just giggle inside, sometimes a smile creeps out. i dont even know your last name. we barely even talk but almost everytime we do i give you a compliment, i hope you know these are sincere.

awkward is a weird word

2009-07-23T20:45:00.009-06:00

why are people so awkward? what makes something an awkward situation? and why am i constantly bathing in awkwardness.

is that just who i am? that one awkward girl? haha...

its only kind of funny, not all the way funny. because its real its funny, but because it happens to me its not. i think my personal hell will be filled with complete awkwardness. oh i can't think about that too much. i must not procrastinate the day of my repentance! Ha.

...seriously though, i always tell myself if you make it awkward it's going to be awkward. do people do this on purpose to me? yes they do i know it! you barstard. but, sometimes i purposely create awkwardness, just because i think its funny. is it really that funny?

am i really on the truman show? just tell me you liars.

suggestions: dont ever say "this is awkward", it automatically makes it awkward. you moron.
i hate people like you.

its so funny though when it isn't you.
blogs are so awkward for me.
awkwardness stay away from me. but let me still laugh at you other awkward people.

ah bye

thank you

2009-07-21T16:47:00.004-06:00

thank you for giving me that book when you did. and thank you for encouraging me to read it. it was exactly what i needed, and it was exactly when i needed it. perfect timing. i changed my life around thanks to it. i hope to help at least one other person like you've helped me, that's why i am going.

is that what this is about?

2009-07-19T17:16:00.007-06:00

Do the things you've always wanted to do.

I've decided to blog about people that have influenced my life in whatever ways big or small. this may be a trend or may not be. feel free to comment.

i knew i'd love you. im smiling right now just thinking about you. i think you are incredible. there are many barriers that are placed between us and i dont know that ill ever see you again but i will never forget you and i will always have a place in my heart for you. you make me laugh a good laugh. just thinking about you makes my day. God loves you immensily i hope you know that. the example of love for others you have shown me, i hope to mimmic throughout my life. you have a simple yet genius mind. you know how to have fun, thanks for teaching me. you aren't afraid to talk to strangers and i admire that, you aren't afraid to give someone your smile, a wave, a hug, or your spirit. your soul shines through your very being, and its beautiful. i only wish i could express how much i love you. if not sooner i will see you in heaven.

love notes and things ive learned lately

2009-07-14T18:28:00.007-06:00

i cannot even begin to describe how incredible the redwoods are. it was a spiritual experience for me to be among that kind of nature. check off the bucket list.

giving brings joy.

don't be scared. it'll all work out.

surround yourself with beauty. define beauty.
define words, define them for yourself and define them for the world. it's important.

stand as a witness of God at all times in all things and in all places. having the gift of the Holy Ghost as a companion is more important than anything else you will encounter in your life. practice what it feels like, know what it feels like for you, strive to keep that with you as much as possible.

Remember.

ultimately all you have is you and the Lord. work on your relationship with yourself and with God.

become who you are.

Reggae.

i am so very attracted to certain men that can pull off a ponytail.

i miss you terribly children of Ecuador.

painfully true

2009-07-05T23:20:00.005-06:00

i admire your faith. i admire the simplicity and purity of your mind, yet it scares me. it scares me because i care about your well being. im trying to teach you to dream, and question, and think differently. you can do both, i swear. shit. do you know what its like to space out or to think illogically? dreaming can enrich your life. just try it, open your mind to something you've never even fathomed before. faith is a different subject entirely. God has given you the gift of faith. these are things that i wish i could say to you, actually i have said them to you, just in a different way.

hypocrisy

2009-07-05T22:25:00.007-06:00

this blog-a-doosh. i don't want to make you mad, i don't want to hurt feelings but bloggin is weird to me. way weird.

i haven't yet decided what i want to do with this blog. this is awkward.

i have this theory that blogging is therapeutic, is it? i think that it can be.

i was thinking the other day about how i feel when im facebooking or reading blogs and stalking people like we all do on the world wide web now a days. what do i actually feel like after im done prodding into others lives?

i feel inadequate sometimes, and other times i feel sorry for others. sometimes i think this whole blog, facebook, myspace, twitter things is just people putting on a show for the world, their attempt to show the world how cool and exciting their life is compared to yours. i feel fayeaht when i don't put photos up of my sexy legs, or big boobs. my tweener body has come and gone, yours will come and go too. i am not poetic enough, im not a good enough writer for this. i feel like a crappy photographer when i look at others photos, but really they just have a nicer camera. i feel like i don't feel enough. where are all my feelings going, into the blogging world or are my feelings channeled where they are supposed to be.

i have bad grammar and i'm a terrible speller. i choose to make more paragraphs it looks nicer.

what is this? is this healthy?

i wonder if i tend to look at the profiles that are of people that i want to be like, or if i look more at the profiles of people that i don't want to be like and i feel bad for. survey starts now. its so fake haha. i laugh at it yet im doing it right now. i'd like to think that some people are real about it. my goal is to be as real as i possibly can. im an embarrassing fool jsyk. [just so you know] i just made that up. actually it was probably already invented.

case and point im a hypocrite.

today is the day

2009-07-05T02:01:00.002-06:00

this is scary for me. but i think its good. can i please just tell you this.

i've tried like 26.5 times to tell you what i think of you. i don't think you understand. i see you. i see so much in you, and i don't even know you. you are [ ]. there isn't a single word for everything that i see in you. i see love, potential, creation, salvation, wisdom-no not quite wisdom, i see an old soul, i see success, i see a parent, i see depth, i see good, and i see that i can't see even an ounce of you. i care about you so greatly. you are great. i wish you the best, sincerely. you mean something to me.